i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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