It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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