Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
