so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
