Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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