Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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