If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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