I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
