Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
