Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
