Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
