My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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