Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
