i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
