Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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