I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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