I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
