Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
