I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
