My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
