She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
