I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
