I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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