Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
