Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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