i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
