i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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