I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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