No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
