you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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