Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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