My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
