i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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