what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
