I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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