woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
