And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
