girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
