you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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