Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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