he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
