it was like his penis was on wheels.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
