It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
