Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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