You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He shit in the fireplace
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
