Screwed.edu
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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