this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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