Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
