I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We need to rekindle our bromance
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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