arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
