she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
