I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
