Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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